Dear Friend, Life Must Go On

It’s always good to hang out and get together with friends. As we’re getting along with our friends, we must still keep focusing on what we want to achieve in our life. While each of our friends has different goals in their life, we must also focus on ours, otherwise we will be left behind in our life.

Our friends one day may leave us to reach their dream, or it could be the other way around. It is such a common phenomenon in life. Have you ever thought about your old friends in elementary school, high school, or university? Where are they now? ... Yes, it is great if we still meet up or keep in touch with them. But some might have been disappeared from our radar. And again, that is just perfectly normal. They have to continue their life journey, and so do we.

Often I found very good friends in different places. But after some period of interaction, it is time to say good bye again. I’m not regretting that. To have such a high-quality friendship is a precious gift in this world. It’s a matter of whether we can deal with the sudden change of a situation where we have less and less time to interact with our friends. After all, true friends will always be close to our heart although they are separated thousand miles away from us.

The wise saying tells us that we should not have too much attachment to our friends in many respects. Indeed, experiences teach me that too much attachment to our close friends eventually causes more emotional pain when thing doesn’t work as what we expect. Unless, you are spiritually awakened enough to control your emotion, or in other words to say, you are free from attachment, that would be great! However, most people suffer “gloomy” period due to this emotional pain. It may take one week, a month, or even longer to dissolve such feeling.

“You may not know that you’re attached to something until you lose it or there is the threat of loss” (Tolle, 2005: A New Earth)

My colleague, Y. Apriliansyah, gave me a very good advice on how not to be overly attached to our fellow friends. Follows are the paraphrase on what he said: Attachment is caused by strong emotional bound, i.e. love, implicitly. Therefore, we must prioritize the distribution of our love. The first two highest priorities are to our Creator and to our parents (My comment: Most Indonesian believes that God is supposed to be the 1st priority to love then followed by our parents, but in India is the other way around. Despite different reasons in each country, both still agree that God and parents are the first two highest priorities to love. This is typical in most Eastern countries). Then we can dedicate our love to our spouse or sibling. Apparently, friends are relatively the last priority to love. The closest our bound with someone will be the more painful we suffer when we break up. In that case, only by shifting our love to the higher priorities we can dissolve such emotional pain.

My very personal suggestion is to be grateful always for those who still have good friends around. Be communicative and open to your good friends to avoid any misunderstanding. And ideally, we should not have overly attachment and too much dependency towards our friends, then we can enjoy our friendship without any prejudice, jealousy, and other kind of negative attitude.

So in this chance, I’d like to say to all my dearest friends: I’m sorry for my negative thoughts that have caused any problem and misunderstanding between you and I; Please forgive me; I love you; Thank you for being my friends and becoming part of my life (Ho'oponopono Teaching).

Many thanks to Mr. Thayalan and Yudi Apriliansyah

Dinner (farewell) party @ Willis Hill

Last dinner with Mr. Lao.

What a big day today

Early morning I’ve already got a call from my friend telling me that Arief, a friend at JCU, got married here in Tuban. Most of my Indonesian JCU friends came there to attend the weeding. Nice reunion, I think! But, I can’t attend it as I had to go to Surabaya under my boss’s instruction.

My boss and I were at the same car to Surabaya. Hmm… I worried too much if it’d be an awkward situation like running out of topic of conversation. Apparently, my boss was very talk-active. I felt comfortable to have conversation with him. We talked more about human behaviour, a very interesting topic that challenged my own knowledge and interpretation. Good talk good time, indeed.

At night, I met my old friends in an unpredictable situation. Thirteen years ago, we still played music together. Then I just met them again on the wedding hall. Thanks to their smart performance on the stage. Otherwise, I won’t be so sure if I could recognize them. What has happened today, to me, did not always come all the time. It did make me excited and surprised. Well, I’m thankful on that… and I’m looking forward to having another day like this again ;-)

Good Friends

I wish that my life could always be surrounded with my best friends. Well, this is just my ideal thought. Yet, I still realize that there’s nothing perfectly ideal as what I expect in this real world.

I’ve been thinking about this since the past couple weeks of my stay in Tuban. At least, what it’s in my mind may explain why dealing with people in the working place seems to be tougher than at school.

It’s simply because at school, I just interacted with someone whom I’d considered to be good to be my friend, and the rest, I wasn’t really bothered. But in the working place, I have no choice to interact with every staff within a shared space, eventhough I don’t like the person.

The funny thing is that my first impression about someone is used to be wrong. I thought…hmm… this person can not be my friend, but in the end we’re such a close friend. Or the other way round, in the beginning we were too pushy to became a good friend, but then after all, we just became “hi and passing by” friend.

No one to blame; it just goes with time and natural selection

A and B are two individuals who just come into a new place. They haven’t had friends yet. Then A and B start to get to know each other, often have chitchat, then decide to do something together. After sometimes, they know that they don’t have similar preferences. Then as time goes by, each of them has their new friends; eventually A hangs out more with A’s new friends, B also enjoys more to be with B’s new friends. Sometimes, if by chance A meets B, then they just say hi, talk only one or two sentences, then… ok, see you, I gtg now. They don’t seem to be bothered with that changing, both of them realize on that, and they are just ok, as they know that this situation is better for both of them...

Friendship, relationship: Does it work?

When establishing a new friendship or relationship with someone, it may work but also may not. If it doesn’t work or becomes worse, do not too emotionally respond it! Once you have introspected yourself and believed that you have done nothing wrong, then NO need to try to be nice or to clarify anything. Don’t get too far on him/her. Maybe s/he is the one who has problem, for example an overly sensitive type of person. And to this kind of person, you really must keep distance!

In the worse situation, if s/he says something cynical to you, don’t take the bait; just don’t give a damn on what s/he has said.
Indeed it’s a good practice to develop compassion and patience. Any single cynical word you’ve heard, let’s hope it will bring satisfaction and happiness to the person who delivers those words. Then you’ll be able to smile freely and feel much better, meaning that your practice of compassion is successful.